Is this tea or coffee?

Once a man was having breakfast in an English hotel. He look a drink from his cup and then said to the Waiter:
"Waiter, is this tea or coffee?"
"Can't you tell the difference, sir, by the taste?"
"No," said the man, "I can't."
"Well," said the waiter, "if you can't tell the difference, what does it matter which it is?

A clever wife

Several men were at work at the top of a tall factory chimney, more than a hundred feet from the ground. When they had finished the work, they prepared to descend. A pulley was fastened at the top of the chimney, and through it ran a long heavy rope. One end of the rope was held by a number of men on the ground.
Each of the men on the chimney in turn tied the other end around his body. Then swinging out, he was slowly lowered to the ground, the men below allowing the rope to pass through their hands with the greatest care. All the men but one had been brought down when, by accident, the rope slipped through the pulley and came tumbling to the ground.

It was an alarming situation. A workman at the top of a chimney a hundred feet above the earth, with apparently no means of getting down! No ladder was half long enough to reach him. If he attempted to jump, he would meet certain death. It seemed as if he must stay there until he died of starvation or exposure.

An excited crowd soon gathered about the chimney. Several plans were proposed to release the man, but all were impossible or absurd. The case seemed hopeless.
In the midst of the excitement the man's wife appeared, for somebody had hurried to break the bad news to her.
She was the coolest member of all the excited company. She took in the situation at a glance and knew just what to do.

"John,, ravel your stocking, begin at the foe," she shouted to her husband.
The man did as he was directed. He took off his stocking, and, cutting the toe with his knife he began to ravel. By the time the yarn reached the ground the stocking was almost gone.
"Stop," the wife shouted again.
Then she tied the end of the yarn to a strong twine, a ball of which she had secured in the meantime.
"Pull the yarn up again," she called.

When one end of the twine reached her husband, the woman tied the rope to the other end.
"Now pull up the rope and put it through the pulley," she ordered. "Be careful not to let it slip through again."
Following his wife's directions, the man soon had the. end of the rope through the pulley. He tied it around his body, and in a few moments was safely lowered to the ground. He owed his escape from his unpleasant position to the coolness and quick thought of his clever wife.

A newly married couple at a restaurant

Once a newly married couple came to a restaurant to have dinner.
"What will you take, honey?" asked the husband.
"Oh, I would like to have fish just like last Sunday, and you darling?" said his wife.
"It's just the same to me, let it be fish," answered he.
When they began eating, she said:
"I don't like it, I can't have it."
"Here, waiter," called her husband, "it seems to me that this fish is not so fresh today as the fish you served us last week."
"Pardon, sir, it is the very same," said the waiter.

Haydn’s first opera

When Haydn was about eighteen years old he sang in a chorus.*But soon his voice broke and he lost his place as a chorister. At first he did not know what to do, how
to earn his living. He began playing the violin in the streets of Vienna, sometimes he played at dances. Very often he composed the music himself.

One day Haydn's friends decided to play a serenade under the window of a well-known clown, Bernardone Curtz by name, and asked Haydn to write the music. When the music was ready they went to the house where Curtz lived and played it. Curtz, who was at home at that hour, liked the melody so much that he appeared on the balcony and asked: "Who wrote that beautiful music?" "I did," said Haydn.

"You! Then come upstairs," said Curtz. "I would like to have a word with you."
When Haydn entered the clown's room, Curtz gave him some verses and asked to write an opera. Haydn was afraid.
"I have never written such music," he said, "but I'll try."

He set to work and everything went well till he came to a place where there was a storm at sea.
"How can I put a storm a.t sea into music when I have never seen the sea!" said Haydn. And he went to Curtz. But the clown could not help him as he had never been to the sea himself.
Haydn came up to the piano and began trying all kinds of melody but without success. At last he lost his temper, crashed his hands down upon the piano and cried out: "Dash the storm!"

"That's it! That's it!" cried Curtz jumping up of his chair, "Go on like that."
Many years have passed since Haydn's name became famous all over the world. He has written wonderful music to many operas but he could not forget the storm in his first opera. He always laughed when he thought of it.

That's not fair

Two judges were driving home one night, each in his own car, one behind fne other. They were both stopped by a policeman and given tickets for speeding. When their cases came up for hearing the next day, they agreed that each should leave the bench in turn to have his case heard by the other.

The first pleaded guilty and was promptly fined ten dollars. When they exchanged places the second magistrate, after pleading guilty, was rather shocked to receive a fine of fifteen dollars.
"That's not fair'" he complained. "I only fined you ten dollars."
"I know," was the reply, "but there is too much of this sort of thing going on2 —this is the second case we've had today."

Forks and fingers

In 1608, an Englishman, Thomas Coryate ' by name, visited Italy. When he came back to England he brought little forks the Italians used to eat meat with. His friends looked at the forks and laughed. They thought the Italians were fools because the forks were very inconvenient.
Thomas Coryate argued with them and explained to them that it was not good to eat meat with one's fingers because people didn't always have clean hands.

Everyone was indignant at this.
"Do you think that people in England don't wash their hands before eating?" one of his friends asked.
"Aren't the ten fingers given to us by nature enough for us?" asked his second friend.
"Must we add two artificial fingers to eat meat?" asked the third.
Then the host decided to show how easy it was to use the fork. But the first piece of meat he picked up off his plate slipped off the fork to the tablecloth.
His friends couldn't stop laughing and joking about it, so the poor host had to put his fork back into his pocket.

There is a story about why people began to use them. The story says that forks came into use when people began to wear lace-trimmed collars. These collars hindered them when they ate. They held the chin up in the air and kept one from bending his head. It looked as if the head was on a big round plate.
With such a collar it was obviously more convenient to eat with a fork than with one's fingers.

America is great

An American who has come to England is trying to tell Tommy how great America is.
— Well, Tommy, America is great. It is one of the greatest countries in the world. You know, if you board a train in Texas in the mining, next morning you will still be" in Texas. Do you understand me, Tommy?
— Oh, yes. I understand you. Your trains are just as bad as in England.