2011-02-28

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY

Once a poor woodman went to the wood which was on the bank of a deep river. He was working all day long and got tired.
Suddenly his axe slipped from his hand and fell into the water.

"Oh! I have lost my axe," he cried. "I have nothing to earn my living with! What shall I do? The river is very deep and I am afraid to dive into it. Who can help me?"

Mercury heard the poor man's cries and appeared before him.
"What is the matter, poor woodman?" he asked. "Why are you so sad and unhappy?"

The woodman told him his story and Mercury promised to help him. He dived into the river and brought up a golden axe. "Is it yours?" he asked.
"No, that is not mine," answered the woodman.

Mercury dived again and this time brought up a silver axe.
"Is it yours?" he asked, and the woodman again answered "No."

So Mercury dived a third time and this time brought up the axe that had slipped from the woodman's hand. "That is my axe," cried the man. "Now I can work again."

Mercury was so pleased with the woodman's honesty that he made him a present of the other two axes and disappeared before he could even say "Thank you."

Pleased with his good luck the woodman went home. He told his friends all about it and one of them decided to trv his luck. So he went to the same place, dropped his axe into the water and cried: "Oh! I have lost my axe. I have nothing to earn my living with! What shall I do? Who can help me?"

Mercury appeared as before, and having learnt the man's story he dived irrto the river. Again» he brought up a golden axe. "Is it yours?" he asked.
"Yes, it is," said the second woodman. "You are not telling me the truth," said Mercury, "that's why you'll neither have this axe nor the one that you so foolishly dropped into the water."

2011-02-27

2 good short funny stories - IN BUS

A very stout lady addressed a bus-inspector at a bus-stop:
"I want to report the conductor of that bus," she said, "he was rude!"

"How?" asked the bus-inspector.

"Why," continued the lady, "he was telling people: 'the bus is full up,' and when I got off he said: "room for three inside."

* * *

Little Tom, in a crowded bus, is sitting on his father's knees. An old lady enters the bus, and the boy at once jumps down, and says: "May I offer you my seat?"

2011-02-26

THE LETTERBOX KEY

Once an Englishman went to the seashore for his summer holidays. He asked his housekeeper to post him
all letters that she would receive during his absence. She promised him to do that.
The Englishman rested very well.

A month passed but he received no letters. He thought it strange and he rang up his housekeeper:
"Why didn't you post me my letters?"
"Because you didn't leave me. The key of the letterbox," was the reply.

The Englishman apologized and promised to send her the key. In some days he put the key into an envelope, wrote down his address on it and posted the letter.
Another month was passing but still he did not receive any letters.

When at the end of the month he returned home he spoke angrily with his housekeeper.
"But what could I do?" asked the poor woman. "The key which" you posted was in the locked letter-box too."

2011-02-25

One American staying in London Zoo

One American staying in London took his children to the Zoo.
The children liked the Zoo very much. So approaching one of the keepers, the Yankee said: "Say, man, take me along to l your boss. I want to talk business with him."

The keeper asked suspiciously: "What business do you want to discuss?"

"Well," explained the American, "I've taken fancy to this little exhibit, and I want to buy your Zoo for my kids."

"Nothing doing," answered the keeper, "but I'll tell you that we might buy your kids for our Zoo."

2011-02-24

ECONOMY WASTED

A tourist was staying in Norway for a couple of weeks and spent all his money. He could only pay his passage back to England.
He thought: "It is only a two days' journey, and I can go to England without food."

So he went on board a ship and bought a ticket. He closed his ears to the sound of the lunch bell and when dinner time came he did not go to the saloon: "I do not feel well," he said.

The next morning he did not have breakfast pretending to oversleep himself, and at lunch time he again stayed in his cabin. At dinner time he was so hungry that he said:
"I'm going to eat even if they throw me overboard afterwards."

At dinner table he ate everything put in front of him. Then he asked for the bill and waited for the coming row.
"The bill, sir?" asked the steward.
"Yes," answered the tourist.
"There isn't any bill," was the answer. "On this ship meals are included in the passage money."

2011-02-23

Good short funny stories

Over the doctor's telephone came a call from one man.
The man said: "My little son swallowed my fountain-pen."

The doctor said: "I come at once. And what are you doing in the meantime?"

"I'm using my pencil," the man answered.

# # #

They bought their son a bicycle and were watching proudly as he rode around and around the block. On his first round he shouted: "Look, Mom, no hands!"
The second time around; "Look, Mom, no feet!"
At the third time: "Look, Mom, no teeth!"

2011-02-22

An Irishman in India

An Irishman was once serving in a regiment in India. He did not like the climate there and decided to think out a trick by which he could get home.
He went to the doctor and said to him: "My eyesight is very bad, can you help me?"

The doctor looked at him for a while and then asked: "How can you prove to me that your eyesight is bad?"

The Irishman looked about the room and at last said: "Well, doctor, can you see that nail upon the wall?"

"Yes," replied the doctor.

"Well then," said the Irishman, "and I can't!"

2011-02-21

HE KNEW THE NAME

The name of Enrico Caruso, the famous Italian singer, is well known all over the world. He sang almost in all countries of Europe. He sang in Russia, in France, in Germany, in Spain and in many other countries. Feople liked his singing and the concert-halls where he sang were always full.

Though Caruso was very famous he often said:
"No man is so well known as he thinks he is."

One day, when he came to the United States to give some concerts, he was driving to New York. His car broke down just when he was passing a farm. Caruso did not know how to repair the car, so he asked the farmer to do it. The farmer agreed.

While the farmer was repairing the car, Caruso entered the farmer's house to rest there. Soon the farmer finished his work and entered the house too.
"Your car is ready, sir," he said, "now you can drive oh."

Caruso paid the farmer for his work and presented him his photograph with his name on it. The farmer read the name on the photograph and cried out:
"Oh, what a luck! You are Robinson Cruso! I've never dreamed to receive the greatest traveller in the world in my poor house!"

2011-02-20

At French restaurant - short funny story

Once a young Englishman invited his girl to a French restaurant The menu was written in Frencn, and he did not know that language.
As he did not want to look ignorant before the girl, he pointed to some lines in the menu and said to the waiter:
"I think, we shall have some of that."

The waiter looked where the man was pointing and said
"I'm sorry, sir, but that's what the band is playing."

2011-02-19

AN EXPENSIVE BREAKFAST

It happened many years ago, when there were still kings in some countries of Europe.
Once a king of a small country was travelling through Holland. He stopped at an inn in a little village to have breakfast. He ordered some boiled eggs, coffee, bread and butter for breakfast.

The king ate two eggs with bread and butter, took a cup of coffee and asked the innkeeper: "How much must I pay for my breakfast?"

The innkeeper answered: "A hundred florins."

The king was very much surprised and said:
"What? A hundred florins for a little bread and butter, a cup of coffee and two eggs? It is very expensive! Eggs must be very scarce in your village."

"Oh, no, sir," answered the innkeeper, "there are many eggs in our village, but kings are very scarce nowadays."

2011-02-18

Having breakfast - short funny story

Once a man was having breakfast at a small restaurant. The waiter served him a cup of coffee without a spoon. The man noticed that and said:
"This coffee is rather hot, I cannot stir it with a finger."
The waiter left the room and in some minutes came back with another cup of coffee.
"May be this coffee is not so hot, sir," he said.

2011-02-09

It isn’t the first time...

Kate’s father was going along the corridor. When he was passing by the bathroom he heard that his daughter was speaking in a kind voice to somebody. The father was surprised and looked in. He saw his daughter holding a cat in her arms and cleaning its teeth with his tooth-brush. Kate didn’t see her father and continued her work.
Kate’s father called his wife and asked her to see what the matter was. Kate’s mother came up and let the cat go. But the little girl said:
“Why? I’m sure, Daddy, needn’t make such a fuss about it, because it isn’t the first time I cleaned the cat’s teeth with that tooth-brush”.

2011-02-03

A way out

A French student decided to go to London during his summer vacation. He thought: "I know English a little and people will understand me.”
Once he spent a morning in the British Museum and felt tired and hungry. He decided to have a cup of tea and some eggs in the nearest restaurant. He went in and sat down at a table. The waitress came up to him and asked him what he wanted.
The student could not order what he wanted because he did not know the English word for eggs. Whay to do? He looked around him, but nobody was eating eggs.
Then he noticed a French illustrated magazine on the neighbouring table. There was a picture of a cock on its cover. He showed the priture to the waitress.
"How do you call this?" he asked.
"A rooster, sir", answered the waitress.
"And what do you call a rooster's wife?" was the next question.
"A hen, sir".
"And what do you call a hen's children?"
"Chickens, sir".
"And what do you call chickens before they are born?"
"Eggs, sir".
"Very well. Now bring me three eggs and a cup of tea, please," said the student.